i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
