dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
