Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
