I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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