shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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