my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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