You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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