just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
