You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
