I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
