Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
