Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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