How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It's never too late to be topless.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
