just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
you made out with another girl for some wings
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
