I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
