i permit you to call me
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
