i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
