i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
The air was thick with penises
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
