drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
