I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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