I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
