The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
