It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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