Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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