Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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