Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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