Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
