Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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