I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
