Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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