haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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