I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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