dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Randomize
