Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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