Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Duck Duck Cougar?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
