I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
