Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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