Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
