Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
