I haven't been this sober since birth.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
