Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
