We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
