You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize