This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
well you can't waste a boner
this just has baby written all over it
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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