The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
