Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
40s are totally the cure
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
