Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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