I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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