I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
