I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
This gyro tastes like lonliness
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
