You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
