Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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